Who's your Maine man? Why, Alaska, of course!

Listen up, Joe the Plumber and Rito the Hairdresser, Alaska gives to you there a sledful of foreign policy experience. Being the state that is the most far away west and that also far away east gives you that doctrine knowhow that all soccer moms have also. You can keep an eye on two countries, Russia and Asia.

Take a globe (which should be right next to your phonograph machine), then look northwest of Washington. See that giant state? No, that's Canada. A little more to the left.... That's it, Alaska. Now, trace the Aleutian islands and watch your fingers go past the "Made in China" print, past the 180° meridian of longitude, and into the Eastern Hemisphere. Whoa, Alaska is actually east of the "Prime Meridian"! (Oh please. Before he got famous and started wearing gold chains and oversized medallions around his neck, we just called him "Greenwich." His mother still calls him "Urkel.")

Take that, Maine! Easternmost state, indeed. Tshaaa!!!